A text from last night

The Clarion Content is an avid follower of the bemusing and outlandish smut that is published over at Texts from Last Night...

The best one we have seen in a while appeared yesterday, from the 678 area code.

I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

Whoa.

A dose of Poetry

Sometimes the internet kicks up a beauty. Scouring YouTube for something else entirely, we found this gem.

One more reason to love Mila

As if we need another reason to love the gorgeous and charming Mila Kunis...



Nonetheless she found one, in the process probably making some Marine's month or year.

What happened? Marine Sergeant Scott Moore took the advice we frequently proffer around here at the Clarion Content. Don't be afraid to ask out the prettiest girl in the room! She is a person like everybody else, and because she is such a hottie, many dudes are too intimidated to say, boo. Missing out, in Mila's case, on a kind, sweet, caring person, who when Sgt. Moore posted a video on YouTube asking Mila go to the Marine Corps Ball with him next month, said, what else, YES.

Gentleman, it never hurts to ask.

Sgt. Moore who is serving with the 3rd Battalion, 2nd Marines in Afghanistan, posted a plea titled "Go With Me Mila" last week. Word spread and before long, Justin Timberlake was asking Mila about it.

In his video, filmed outside a bunker in Afghanistan, Sgt. Moore says, "Hey Mila, Sgt. Moore, but you can call me Scotty. I just want to take a moment out of my day to invite you to the Marine Corps Ball with yours truly. So take a second to think about it and get back to me. All right, bye now."

Mila will be there showing her support for the troops November 18 in Greensville, North Carolina.

You go, girl!

Read more here.

Spotted in Durham

How about this precarious load?



We hear you can get $5.00 a pallet.

Silly human race

Much like the watched pot, the too closely observed upload never finishes.

Advice

Get gas when you're not late.

Get your suit dry-cleaned right after you wear it. Leave it hanging in the closet cleaned and pressed in case of emergencies.

Taste

It is not that there is no accounting for taste, it is that there is no holding anyone to account for their taste.

Flip-flops are bad for your feet

This is something we long suspected at the Clarion Content, and not just because we find it offensive to look at men's hairy toes all Summer long.

Perhaps somewhat surprisingly, there has been a lot of research conducted regarding flip-flops. Recent studies have found that flip-flop wearers tend to grip their footwear tightly with their toes, which causes shorter stride length and improper force when their feet hit the ground. This transfers stress up the leg. Overcompensation to fight against this trend can lead to painful plantar fasciitis.

The key, choosing flip-flops with good arch support, don't buy the cheapest ones you can. And don't wear them all Summer long, mix it up a little.

Read more here from Dr. John Whyte, Chief Medical Expert and VP, Health and Medical Education at Discovery Channel, writing for the Huffington Post.

Seen on Twitter today

Here are a couple of the fun and funny things that have crossed our Twitterscape today.

"Housewives experience the highest rate of sexual harassment in the workplace."

---Kelly Oxford

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."

"Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman."

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

---Al Bergette

"To be hated for what I am is better than to be loved for something I am not."

---Girls & Her Deals of NYC

Charity

The famous 12th century Spanish Jew pictured above, Moses ben-Maimon, is more commonly known as Maimonides. The Clarion Content's editor has long been fond of the code of charitable giving that he wrote. Maimonides wrote a lot of things in his time, Abraham J. Heschel once said, "If one did not know that Maimonides was the name of a man, one would assume it was the name of a university."

The Clarion Content likes the code of charitable conduct because the by-laws of dignity imply there is a grace to giving charity properly. We like this guidance.

Maimonides on Charitable Giving (paraphrased)

The highest degree of charity, exceeded by none, is that of finding a person a job, gainful employment, a business or a craft, an opportunity to provide for him or herself, that leaves them henceforth no longer dependent on the aid of others.

The next step beneath that is anonymous charitable giving where the giver does not know whom the recipient is going to be (only that the cause is good) and the donor remains anonymous, that is, he or she does not take credit for the charitable giving done publicly, anywhere. It is anonymous charity.

The next step beneath that is anonymous charitable giving where the giver does know whom the recipient is going to be. The identity of the donor is still anonymous, but the donor has direct how, where, and/or to whom the charity is to be distributed.

The next step beneath that is where the recipient of the aid knows where it is coming from, that is to say the giver proclaims somewhere publicly that they are giving the charity, but they are not told the exact how, where, and/or to whom the charity is to be distributed.

The next level is a where the giver and the receiver both know each other, but the giver gives the charity, help, aid or assistance before the recipient even has to ask for it.

The next degree lower is the giver who gives charitably only after the poor person asks directly, e.g., they are shamed into it.

Maimonides says the next degree lower than that is the person who gives less than can really afford to or should give, less than charitably, but at least they do not begrudge what they give.

Finally, the lowest degree is those who give less than they can afford to give, and give that begrudgingly and morosely.

Of course, below that would be those who give not all.

Food for thought.

15-501 Durham to Chapel Hill

This piece was submitted by someone very close to the Clarion Content's editorial board. And you know how, dear readers, in our efforts to emulate dear old Uncle Ben we like some practical advice here at the Clarion Content.

The key to making good time driving from Durham to Chapel Hill on the 15-501 is put the hammer down, pedal to the metal. An old friend told me the deal a long ago time. How long ago you ask; so long ago that Darryl's was still open at 15-501 and Garrett Road, so long ago that there was isn't even a hint of Kroger's in Witherspoon Rose Culture's backyard, let alone the tower now out in front of it...

My buddy had a small, old, blue truck with a manual transmission. Some joker from the North Carolina Department of Transportation must of thought it a real funny to pace the lights from Durham to Chapel Hill so that if catch but one you have to slam on it to get back on pace. My buddy, he would pounce on it the little truck, leaping out of the blocks, up through the gears, taking off, shooting out of the area where the long since demolished Southsquare Mall used to be.

And, oh, it is possible to make every light, from the ugly "Blue Skyscraper," where 15-501 Business and 15-501 proper merge, rejoining to make the Jefferson Davis Highway run to Chapel Hill, at which point, Franklin Street cuts off to make the trek up the hill that gives the town the latter half of its name.

How many lights is that in all? Can't say I have ever counted, I have only driven it half a million times since then. What makes you think that even once in all those trips I was any less than Lomaned out, drifting over the scape unable to do anything as linear as count. However many lights there are, rest assured, the only way to make'em is to floor it. And if you get caught at any one of them, the only way you are making the next one is to really push it to the floor. It can be done. I have seen it done. In crappy cars, with terrible acceleration. But of course, the speed limit on 15-501 is only 45 miles-an-hour! MF-ing prankster at NCDOT, because you have to go at least 60mph, out of the chute, to make all the lights. If you get caught at one, say like at I-40, even at 5.30am on Sunday, unless you hit it, accelerating as fast as you can to on the plus side 60mph, you are bound to catch the next light, too.

You must come out of the blocks fast. Whether you are coming from Durham or Chapel Hill. Punch it. Make that first light. Slam on it further from there. If necessary, slide right. That third lane goes almost all the way through now. The right lane is the new fast lane these days anyway. No one will mind. You can make tracks.

The Wisdom of Kelly Oxford

"Adulthood is the moment you switch from taking the occasional drug to trip out, to taking the occasional drug to feel normal."---Kelly Oxford

Simple advice

Baby Talk

This is something the intuitive have known for a long time. Baby's brains are ready and open for business from a very young age. Baby talk is the foundation of language. It is how babies practice and imitate the adults around them. Ask a smart parent, they will tell you.

The scientists are catching on, too. M.D. Perri Klass in the New York Times, "Babble is increasingly being understood as an essential precursor to speech, and as a key predictor of both cognitive and social emotional development."

What is more interesting is first-year babies all over the world babble in similar ways, but during their second year, toddlers mold their sounds into the words of their native tongues.

This has implications for linguistics that stretch from the Biblical Tower of Babble story to the co-development of the human species.

For parents this is a reminder to talk to your kids even from the youngest age. Scientists' research indicates that babble has cognition in common with questions. Babies' brains are open for reception when they are babbling along in baby talk. Research also suggests that the television and the computer don't substitute for human interaction when it comes to language learning. Babies are picking up on facial clues and gestures as an essential part of their language skill development.

The New York Times reports that a baby hears much of language and is able to differentiate well before it can reproduce the same range of sounds. The experiments argue that a baby’s vocalizations signal a state of focused attention and a readiness to learn. When parents respond to babble by naming the object at hand babies are more likely to learn words.

This kind of linguistic and neurological digging is a wonderful nexus for people to understand our common humanity. And a great reason to start talking to your kids as early as you can.

Some things should not be changed

While staring, befuddled at the new ribbed shape of the Mountain Dew 20 oz. plastic soda bottle today, it occurred to the Clarion Content that some things should not be changed. This is especially true if they worked wonderfully in their status quo format.

The goofy Mountain Dew bottle reminded us of this axiom. But the case in point also comes from the convenience store, it is the king size Snickers bar. Now in two pieces?

What???

Some company executive decided that you should pre-break our candy bars in two for us? Hey genius, people return broken candy bars as defective. What are you doing trying to preempt Super Size Me style class action lawsuits? "Oh no, your honor, our candy bar isn't designed to be eaten all in one session. It is two pieces."

Keep it real. First of all, it is designed to be eaten in one sitting whether you break it in half our not. You just make your loyal clientele feel worse about it by breaking it into two pieces. Plus, it creates an underlying sense of being defrauded. Is that two piece candy bar really the same size as the old king size Snickers? You can tell us it is all day, but it sure does not look or feel like it.

Mr.Mars Executive, quit trying to sell us broken candy bars! Fix the Snickers king size. Things which work really well, should not be changed.

World Beer Festival

Although we are not certain that the editorial staff of the Clarion Content will be able to attend this year, we highly recommend that you make it out to the World Beer Festival, Saturday October 9th. We try to attend every year, and surely at least some of the staff will be there this year. [The editor has the wedding of a dear friend.]

The event has two sessions, one afternoon and one evening. It has gotten a little pricier recently, up from $25 to $35 to $45 over the last six years, but it is still worth every penny. Featuring the beers of over 180 breweries from all over the United States and the globe, it is a rollicking good time. Our advices is as follows. Pick one session or the other, even the strongest livers should not be asked to handle both. Go slow, there is plenty of beer for everyone. Make sure you ask if the beer is high alcohol content, ever since the Pop the Cap initiative succeeded in North Carolina, quite a few of them are, sip gently these beers will rock you. Eat some of the food, there are plenty of delicious options. This year's beer festival will feature the music of Big Daddy Love and Children of the Horn for the afternoon session; Brushfire Stankgrass and Big Something are playing at the evening portion.

Tickets are available at their website here. And at the Carolina Ale House locations in the Raleigh Durham area.

Laugh it up

The American Heart Association reports that one of the best ways to protect yourself against heart attack is to laugh often and exuberantly. Researchers compared patients who had suffered heart attacks or had undergone angioplasty or similar revascularization procedures with healthy aged-matched control patients. Results showed that the patients who had suffered heart problems were 40% less likely to laugh in a variety of situations than their healthy counterparts.

"The old axiom that, 'laughter is the best medicine' appears to hold true when it comes to protecting your heart," said Michael Miller, M.D. and Director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center, Baltimore. Miller and his team could only speculate about why this is so. "We don't know why laughing protects the heart, but we do know that mental stress is associated with the impairment of endothelium, the protective barrier lining in our blood vessels," said Dr. Miller.

So laugh it up people...

Fellas: Love your body more

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Premature Death

Premature death, the death of young or middle age people always kicks the Clarion Content in the teeth. As loyal readers know, the Clarion Content felt deeply the passing of actress Brittany Murphy. Earlier this week we were shocked and saddened to read of the death of Murphy's widower, Simon Monjack. Maybe we just don't read enough US Weekly, maybe we are not on TMZ as frequently as we could be, but dang, we did not see it coming and we cannot help but wonder and speculate on the interconnections of their passings.

Murphy's death from what is known as polypharmacy, the administration of excess prescription medications, was tragic and probably avoidable. Monjack's death has been called a heart attack, but one wonders what might have weakened his heart? Grief and stress have untold power. Self-medication is not the answer. People die anonymously from depression and prescription drug overdoses every day. All we can hope for is that these kind of sad passings are a lesson learned, not a life lost alone in a vacuum, or worse yet, a terrible course to be imitated.

When Google image searching the phrase, "Too many prescription drugs," images of Murphy, Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole Smith all come up on the very first page. Don't go that way! If you are depressed, get help.

Poem of a Lost Generation

This brilliant poem by Jonathan Reed has received more 13 million views on You Tube.



Thanks to the Morris County New Jersey contributor who sent it our way!